Tuesday, August 11, 2015

Forever His

You will never run away
You're forever mine
You will never run away
You're by my side.

These lyrics from Rend Collective caught my ear the other day. I've been listening to a lot of CCM-Christian Contemporary Music of late. Some of it's not the greatest, but  a lot of the lyrics have been challenging me to rest in God, rather than in my own, crazy, messed up brain.

I'm so absolutely fickle, and vain and gosh darn self-centered sometimes, and I don't know what I want. My entire life has been like this.

I want one thing.
Then I want another.
Oh! What's that!

But it's been so much worse lately. I just don't know where God wants me, and I don't know what I'm supposed to do in my life, and every time I think God's going to open a door for me, I start scratching at it like a cat, and then it gets bolted shut. And even then I still try to force it.

Sometimes I think I'm the most impatient person I know. A door opens a crack and I burst through and run like mad, only to find myself in the middle of nowhere, not sure where I should go or what I should do.

But God is always there. I do believe that-I know it. And I wonder, does he look at me sadly and shake his head as I continually run my head into a door that's never meant to open. As I break out my chainsaw and cut a hole in the door, triumphantly stepping out on the other side of a door that I was never meant to reach.

How does one learn to submit to God? To heed the prodding of the Holy Spirit? How do I know what He wants me to do or be? I try and try and try to listen and hear what he's saying but just end up in tears.

Maybe the problem is that I'm trying to do too much, and therefore worrying too much. My life is in God's hands. I am forever God's child. What need have I to worry?

But as for me, I trust in You, O Lord
I say, "You are my God"
My times are in Your hand
Psalm 31: 14-15



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