ADDistracted

This isn't normal.
I'm not normal.
I mean, I've never been normal because everyone is unique, but this is really strange for even me. Why does this happen? Let me explain.


I've always been considered "smart" and "gifted". My mind works very fast and I can come up with solutions to problems in a very short amount of time. I love to read, and used to devour books. On Wednesday, I started reading Divergent at 1:30 am and when I heard birds at 5:05, I decided to go to bed. I was 90% finished with the near 500 page book.

But I also cannot focus on things that I am not interested in. My brain must always be stimulated, so if I'm reading a dry article, I will tune it out and start thinking about something else. I get lost in my thoughts a lot.

Recently, I've been under a lot of stress (19 credits and working 30+ hours a week will do that to you). I've been forgetting to do assignments until the day they are due. It's bad. Somehow the stuff that I turn in is still actually good. Not by my standards, but it's good.

I hate myself that it's not up to my standards. But the thing is, I have two speeds

1. Meticulous perfection
2. Speedy, "this'll do", whipped up in a tenth of the time it's supposed to take.

This entire month has been Speed #2 and it's causing me so much grief. Last week, I convinced myself that I actually have ADD, or, Attention Deficit Disorder. I took a couple of quizzes online (wasting valuable time that could have been used to do my assignments) and they all told me that I do indeed have ADD. And then I was in a puddle of stress-tears, which are never any fun.

One of my assignments in "Exceptional Learner" was to create a plan for someone who has problems with organization and forgetting assignments. I came up with so much stuff that would help me, involving color-coded folders and check lists. As my teacher said, "great plan!", I shoved the returned assignment back into my one overflowing folder.

I can't help my students if I can't even help myself. I keep telling myself that next semester WILL be different. Will it? Can I? This shall be my challenge.