And So it Goes...

August 9th. School starts in 2 weeks and I....I am not going back.

It pains me to write that, and it pains me to think about it, but..I cannot go back.

To be honest, I have never had the complete certainty that what I was doing was absolutely correct, or that the next semester I'd be going back. There's always been that nagging feeling that what if...what if...its not God's will.

To be a 19 year old college student who is not completely sure about her path in life is not unusual. To be a 19 year old college student who is taking a semester off to get it figured out is by no means unheard of but...it feels so wrong.

I want to see my people!  I want to take the classes I signed up for. Intro to Conducting? Linguistics? HECK YES. There wasnt a single class on my schedule that I wasn't excited for.

And yet, I cannot go back.

You see, it's not just an issue of becoming sure of my life path, a huge part of it is money. I guess I'd better spill the beans now.

My family is in debt. We have another house that for seven years we have been trying to sell or rent, but unexpected things keep pushing us in the wrong direction. That house was supposed to be sold to pay off our current house, but now we owe on both of them.

Our family, naturally, has an aversion to debt. Basically, I'm doing this college thing with no debt or not at all. That's hard.

I have been working at a machine shop for about a month now, and let me tell you...it's not fun. However, I do get $10  an hour and about 40 of those hours per week...plus I have a weekend job at Chipotle. It's tiring, but rewarding. That's for sure.

This fall, I will continue part time at the machine shop and fill the gaps with work at Chipotle. Hopefully by January I will have enough...

Thank you everyone who has been praying for me. I can't thank you enough.